My beloved granddad died on Friday.  He'd been poorly for a month or so with various ailments and went voluntarily into hospital on Monday - an indication of just how bad he must have been feeling.  I visited him Thursday night with mR, and my brother popped in and he was in unexpectadly good spirits.  To take his mind off the pain, we managed talked about the old days and I finally got to document a few of the facts and stories that I'd been meaning to, but due to his declining health we'd been unable to in recent weeks.  Alas, that was the last time we spoke and he shared his stories with a twinkle in his eye.  We returned to Brighton feeling that he might be over the worst, but at 0730 on Friday morning, the hospital called Granny and my parents up to the hospital and he died shortly after. 

There is some relief that he is no longer suffering, and that the end was relatively swift and he kept his dignity and marbles.  But he was in great distress at the end until he was finally allowed to slip painfree and peacefully away. 

Regrets are meaningless at times like this.  But my memories are already fading, details becoming blurred, and now it is too late to capture them.  He was such a character and influence within our family.  He was the biggest influence in our childhood, a character larger than life.  I have tried to prepare myself for this day, but it is still hard to take.

He always seemed invincible.   

We were the best of friends. 

Heart broken.

Cookie (or as now known "secret cookie" on blogspot!) and I have just got back from a salsa weekend in Norfolk.

OH. 

MY.

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did we have a GOOOOOOOD time?  DID WE!!!!!!!!!!!!  Great classes, teachers with personalities to fill a room and fabu-deliciously devine guys to keep us on the dance floor till the wee hours.  And with Cookie's easy company and conversation, not forgetting the discussion at 03.30 about spreadsheets which was a sure thing to send me off to sleep, the experience was thoroughly enjoyable.

Despite the back screaming at me, it held up well enough.  Whilst I shall have to see how long it takes for me to recover from the limited sleep and disfunctional hours I'm hoping that with my confidence restored I can keep my mo-jo going, albeit pacing myself.

Long may it continue.  It needs to so that I can venture up to London to see my old pals, my new pals and to dance with E the sweetie and feel like a million dollars.

"Your my favourite" was still my favourite (although E the sweetie is a strong contender now) and despite the usual artic reception from his other half, by Sunday I'd managed to at least have a dance and chat without feeling the daggers and voodoo dolls were out for me.  Some situations are just crap.  But at least we danced and my soul felt happier for it.

And now... I'm off to bed to catch up on some sleep

I know.. it's been ages!!  Promises, promises.  So many experiences, frustrations and hysterics I've thought "must blog that" but just haven't got round to.  In more reflective moods I've thought that perhaps my blog served a purpose during turbulent times to down my thoughts, but now I have a counsellor and mR to off load and try make sense of life.  Other times I've felt that the www may not be the most appropriate place to air matters, particularly relating the to the D.  Perhaps my blog had served it's purpose and was no longer required?  Why did I start the blog? Why did I keep it up?  Yes I got a kick from the affirmation that someone had read my post and commented, sometimes I just needed to get it off my chest.  But you can write your thoughts down without having to share them.  Was it because many of the 20sixers had left to other platforms and I just couldnt be inclinded to keep up with them all or couldn't work out how to comment using the technology!  Hmmmm.  perhaps I just think too much?   ***!

But I'll give it one more go.  Where it leads who knows...

More was achieved today than could have been dreamt.  It is a victory.  A small but symbolic victory.  And yet I'm disappointed.  Of course I'm delighted for him, but I'm unhappy for me.  Events have suddenly moved on and sod's law, because such a shift wasnt anticipated, now I find myself unaccompanied for the wedding and the family do.  It is the right outcome, I just wish I didn't feel so let down inside.   Being a grown up is bloody tough sometimes.

I can give all the love and support I can, but I can't be there to hold his hand today.  He has to do this alone.

Today is the first step.  It's unlikely to be a big one, but a step none the less and hopefully the ball will start rolling.

I guess you know you love someone when you feel their pain.

And, yes, I will try and blog a bit more....

Blimey.  Just logged in to post and ...... 20six has gone all arty! 

A chance conversation introduced me to the following site.  A brilliant concept of recycling unwanted items (no money can be exchanged) and I've been bowled over by the response to my 'offer'. 

Spread the word...  http://www.freecycle.org

It wasn't his fault.  He did his best.  The only option was the empty painting tray.

When accidentally shut in the bathroom since 4am and desperate for a piddle, what is a cat supposed to do?